Internet

So I figure these days the internet is used for three things: Porn, blogging and stalking.

Porn is the obvious one right? There are always jokes that it’s pretty much why the thing was invented. The sharing of pictures and videos of other people getting their fuck on. It’s the lord and saviour to the acne scarred, fat greasy teenage boy, to the shy middle aged banker whose wife doesn’t know he wears her underwear in secret and beats off over chicks with dicks. It’s the good old giggle for young and old.

The beauty of it is that if you are sitting behind a computer you don’t have to be scared. People get all kinds of tough when they’ve got a keyboard instead of a face to deal with. You can instantly find out you aren’t alone. You’re not the only one who fancies beating of in a room full of inflated balloons.

One of my personal favourites is pornographic fan fiction. Everyone has had that fantasy where their celeb crush decides to notice they actually exist. Happily and richly ever after. It’s gone to a whole other level. Its one thing to stand in front of the mirror as a kid and pretend to be a character in Dawson’s Creek (I was his adopted sister who Pacey fell madly in love with and FYI I was amazing) but it’s a whole other thing to put out an erotic lesbian tale of seduction by the straight and very Christian lead singer of Paramore (this one wasn’t me… Rihanna on the other hand… that could make a story!).

I just wonder what makes a person want to share this. I guess the same rationale that’s I am using to sit here and rant this all out.

Next was blogging. Which I guess is where I come in yes? I love a good blog. I am a nosey mother fucker so anything that delves into other peoples lives I like.

What I do not like however are these idiots who do nothing but repost other peoples art/photos/work. You have nothing to say? Then why bother? I mean really. What do you get out of hitting a button so a pretty picture on one blog is now on yours? It’s all so fucking incestuous.

You are not hip and edgy because you reposted someone else’s picture of a pallid naked skeletal girl with fuck you eyes, a knife to her cunt in one hand and an apple hovering near her mouth (which quite obviously she isn’t going to eat) in the other.

Lastly, my favourite pastime of late, stalking. The joys of all these networking sites is if I feel shit about myself all I need do is call up the profile of my ex boyfriends size of a sweaty moon tan house new girlfriend and flick through her pictures.

I am a pro at this; I can find anything out about anyone. Not for any particular reason (I mean, if not to make myself feel better in comparison) just because…. Well because you can.

You can take stock of how all the trendy popular kids at school are all fat dumpy housewives, still in the same small town being oh so fucking miserable and discussing who’s kid ate/shit/cried over what.

Ahh. The joys of the internet